As a felt the warm water trickle down on me this morning while I was curled up in the shower, I thought to myself, “Ugh… you did this to yourself last night. I knew you weren’t strong enough to finish what you started.” What?! Doesn’t everyone sit in the shower? Ok, yes I wasn’t merely sitting, I was indeed CURLED up into a ball in the shower. This may very well teach me a lesson…
Yesterday was the BACON FEST for crying out loud! There was some celebrating to partake in, after all! Perhaps with a week of stomach issues that left me unable to hydrate properly, or even eat, it was maybe NOT the best idea to drink beer and then progress to a gin & tonic (I don’t even like them- I was proving a point! But that’s an entirely different story) and then on to Dirty Martinis… the massively dirty, filthy, nasty in a good way dirties I just LOVE so, so, so, so very much. Perhaps I loved them a little less this morning at 5 a.m. knowing there was a 12 mile run waiting for me. On the other hand, perhaps I did not.
When I first got the notion to run the Marine Corps Marathon last year, I knew there would be some sacrifices to make, some routine adjustments, some commitment issues, some life altering ways to achieve & in my head, I think I thought I wouldn’t be strong enough. I committed myself in April of 2011 to run this marathon THIS year. I was being realistic & I knew I wasn’t a strong enough runner at that time.
I have to say, I cannot even imagine what it will really be like to run with only 30 thousand other runners, all running after something different. I don’t know if I will be strong enough to not have a breakdown at the start of it. If I’m not, that’s alright because a good cry is just that sometimes… good.
I was unwise in my drinking decisions last evening. Ok, OK, that’s maybe putting it mildly. What I know about myself is this: I am a lot SMARTER AND DETERMINED than I give myself credit for some days. Around 6:15 last night, I knew where the evening was headed & I’m afraid folks, it wasn’t in a good direction. I had the wherewithal to set my alarm, as I had a 12 miler this morning! I also reset the alarm a couple of times after that, but it was SET, dang it! I tried to QUIT the run several different times. I tried to renegotiate the terms of the run several times, just knowing 3 was practically the same as 12, or 10, or 8. I wasn’t strong enough to resist the peer pressure! When I wasn’t strong enough I was ever so “gently” reminded by my Smart Ass Coach, aka SMAC, that I WOULD indeed be running the 12 & to not take that text tone with him. UGH! He’s not the boss of me! I knew my condition & at that moment, I knew I wasn’t strong enough to tackle a 12 mile run.
Today’s run came entirely too early; I was wide awake at 4, even though my alarm was set for 5:15. I hate when that happens! I hate when the rooms spins too. Luckily the room was NOT spinning at 5:15. I wouldn’t have been strong enough to stay on that ride.
I pulled myself up by my proverbial boot straps & set myself straight. And the hot shower helped too. So did the soda. Being strong enough to do that, felt pretty good. Today’s run was HUMID, wet, a little slippery, slow & seemed a lot longer than 12 miles. WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got lost, because I was in my own la-la land, had to back track, found my way again and ended up running NOT 12 miles, but 13!!! When I was back at the start explaining my actions to my SMAC, he said to me… “See, you didn’t give yourself enough credit. I think you found out you’re a lot stronger than thought.” Awwwwwwwwwwww… in that moment, I was pretty damn proud of myself, not because I ran the 13, but because I didn’t give up. It would have been pretty easy to have NOT gotten out of bed, to have climbed back into bed after the shower, to have ignored the SMAC & cut my run short, to have NOT set my alarm last night. There are only so many excuses one can make for their own self misbehaviors, their own weaknesses, their own failings. I was all out of excuses & I knew that last night.
I make no more excuses for having weaknesses. I know my weaknesses & today, I learned one of my strengths………… my determination to be as strong as my body will allow in order to accomplish what I set my mind to doing April 2011. I am a runner & I am strong!!! Happy running y’all!